Remember the mantra of the barbeque pit man:
- "Low heat"
- Too much enthusiasm can ruin a good platonic friendship...keep those fires low!
Example: don't feel obligated to follow her wherever she goes.
- "Lots of smoke"
- You must be prepared to keep your true feelings concealed. Always be ready to change the subject, and always have a few alibis on hand.
Example: she asks, "Have you been following me
You respond: "What an odd coincidence. Speaking of
following, have you been following professional basketball?"
- "A little fire"
- Like with any friends, you will have your differences with your new platonic friend. These are to be expected; don't be discouraged.
Example: she says, "I know you've been following me. Stop
it!!! You're scaring me!!!"
You say, "I'm here if you need me."
- "Tangy flavor"
- It is important that your platonic friend not take you too seriously. To
do this, and to prove the strength of your friendship, throw in a few
friendly jibes, especially when you need to remind yourself of the distance
you need to keep. Point out some of her more obvious character flaws, then
say, "But I love you anyway" or "That's why I love you."
Example: She says, "You've been stalking me. I've gotten a
restraining order and a gun."
- "Oh, right, like I really followed you into the
girl's locker-room and camped outside your window all night. You've got a really high opinion of yourself, missy!"
- Or, "You're paranoid. That's why I love you."
- Or, "Oh, right, like you've really got a gun...aiiiiyyyyeeee!!! DON'T
- "Extreme patience"
- Not only is this a long-term project, but it also includes the ability to be on-call to respond to the inevitable personal crises.
Example: She calls you at 1:00 in the morning and says,
"The guy I was seeing just dumped me."
You say, "I'll be right over with my sleeping bag and 4 days of iron rations."