"My big problem is that I slip _so_ easily into Big Brother Mode." -- <JKMcA>
Does this mean you sit around and watch everything she does?
<slappy> platonic female friends are good for research into the females you dont want to be platonic with.
"This is great! One of the best web pages I've seen. My suggestion is that if you can't get the girl, turn this into a book, make millions of dollars and then she'll wish she had married you!" --MarkI am sure this is going to happen
"Women say that men view them as sexual objects, but women are in denial that they view men as success objects. [...] So if a girl turns you down, be greatfull she did it before you were married. Good luck." -- KevinUm. If you say so. (Wanna see the full text of this rant, er, comment?)
Keep those letters coming!
I'd just like to add my own theory for why I tend to be a friend magnet: Nice Guys Sleep Alone. You forgot the most tooth grinding situation: when you're with her going somewhere, and everyone you see mistakes you for a couple, saying "Boy, you guys make a cute couple." --MLMOw! Make it stop!
First of all let me say how much I appreciate someone having a site like this one. I will visit often. [...] I have found that the best "therapy" after being sh#t on by a woman is listening to Pantera. These guys really understand. [...] In the song "Walk" by Pantera, there is a verse, ". . . be yourself, by yourself stay away from me." How well put.If you think that's good, try listening to it backwards. [more by belliot]
<JKMcA> I'm talking to a friend of mine when out of the blue she says "I can't wait for you to get Married." "huh?" "I think you'd be a great dad!!" I think for a second and then say "Whatcha doing next week?"Guys: you raise them, educate them, then all they want to do is get married. Geez.
From: Delegacion de Alumnos de Informatica Subject: mesge hello we are to spanish very hansond and powerful.We want to meet female people to be friends an to begin an friend relation. Our english is no very good but we can to try to learn. ¿OK?. If you are a beautiful girl and you want to meet us. Please mail us. Thanks. Pd. we like fuck.That last bit sort of belies the friendly nature of this "mesge", don't it?
From: user I´m new in this. Writing from Chile, South America. Want to know more about you. I´m a lonley man, well looking but shy, help please.Well, he uses funny syntax, so I must be careful...he may be 3l33t.
From: kjones I only wish I could nominate you for Sainthood! - Shattered in SeattleThis is a do-it-yourself society, man! And if you can't do something for yourself, do it for someone else. Like me.
From: Bud Wow. I don't know how I stumbled onto your page, but I like it. I wouldn't say I'm currently ruined or shattered (though I've been there), but the stuff struck a nerve and gave me a laugh, too. It certainly made sense, and it's always good to hear that other people experience the same things. I'm using the Web to try and find females (a possibly futile effort), and have set up a whole Web page structure as a kind of ISO ad. Call me crazy, but I might just get lucky. (I'm not broadcasting the page address widely. It's mostly for women. But if you want to take a look--or know any women who might-- E-mail me and I'll send the address.) I also used a link on your page to go to your friend barton's pages. A puzzling but interesting experience. Good luck with your pages. I'm sending a friend or two to tune it.You realize, of course, that this is exactly the kind of smut that our friends in Congress are trying to protect us from.
Subject: The story of my life!!! Joe, Yes!!! You have captured in 1's and 0's the story of my miserable existance--from my first love in high school to the woman for whom I'd been carrying a torch for the past eight years (and dropped just this March when I couldn't bear it anymore). In fact, I've become so de-sensitized to the whole phenomenon that it's starting to worry my female friends: the last woman I asked out told me that she didn't want to date me because I'm her "last close male friend" and she doesn't want to "submit me to what she's like as a girlfriend." My response? "OK. Whatever." This blaze attitude seemed to worry her, so I expanded my response: "Marilyn, women have been saying 'I don't want to ruin our friendship' to me for _twelve_years_; I've gotten so used to it I'm not bothered anymore." Ahh, my dinner has arrived and my roomate Cindy (possibly the only female friend I have whom I'm NOT interested in) is telling me to get off the computer. Thank you again for the WWWeb page! -packyWell, it looks like someone is in major denial right now. But don't knock denial: it's not just a river in Egypt -- it's a survival strategy, too.
Subject: Love the home page on platonics. That is all. Been there, but not yet ready to talk about it or share with the group. SpamPlatonics? Sounds like a science, whereas the forming of platonic relationships is more of an art. One of those twisted German inter-war Expressionist kinda arts.
Greate bit on Platonic woman friends... I really enjoyed it... Been there... done that... Got the tee-shirt. -IraFunny you should mention tee-shirt! For a limited time, you too can purchase a 100% cotton...
Subject: That Friend Thing ABSOLUTELY. I cannot agree more! I had (another) experience of this a while ago. This fantastic etc. girl (you know the rest) and, when I finally did exactly what your Do's & Dont's List said and confronted her, this is what she said: "If only I'd have known before I got engaged (?) I would have asked you, but I was afraid of getting a smart comment back (?)" WOMEN!!! I'm much happier with Denise (My Imaginary Virtual Duck) I would recommend everyone to get one. -- Matt.Imagine that: a reputation for having a smart mouth can hurt you. But now, you can ease the pain with NEW! Virtual Duck! Yes, for the low price of...
Subject: DO's & DONT's Hey Joe, Just wanted to drop you a line about your web page: very cool. funny. I can relate to what all these other guys are talking about because I was recently in a situation similar to the topic at hand. As a matter of fact, I wish I had read your web page prior to 'almost' telling her my true feelings. Oh well, we live & learn. well, take care & keep updating your page. best of luck -- JoseSome of us live and just become more bitter.
Subject: Your page cracks me up, especially the platonic friends part I loved those platonic relationship pages. Great Stuff. The funny part is that they are so true, several of those things have happened to me. Life is a wild, zany beast. -- DaveThis is your big rationalization? This ain't Wild Kingdom. (Well, there may be parallels to lionesses shredding hapless gazelles.)
Subject: Excuse I HAVEN'T experienced Hi, Joe. I completely agree with your page -- "Let's just be friends" is not a phrase that falls lightly on my ears (a picture of an elephant stomping on a watermelon comes to mind for some odd reason -- must be the late hours). Anyway, in the platonic relationship I'm in currently, the girl has NEVER said those defeatist words --- yet everything that occurs between us is disgustingly platonic (Exon- rated, in fact), so she obviously feels she doesn't have to give me "The Treatment." Yet, I keep dropping hints, and she keeps missing 'em...<sigh> Hmmm...I think I'll go find a nice, dark, dangerous alleyway to stroll down now... - .JF.Okay, I see a scenario developing here: JF gets mugged and brutally beaten in an alley and is hospitalized; platonic friend rushes to hospital to provide aid and comfort.
Exercise for the reader: Complete this scenario. You may use additional sheets of paper, if necessary. And make sure it involves at least two sets of nurses' outfits.
Since both platonic friendships and romantic relationships with women are important to me, I have worked out some principles which I believe in and some goals which I practice (or try to practice :-). Principles John G.I can neither confirm nor deny the effectiveness of these principles.
When you are in a platonic relationship with the girl of your dreams, she will go out with countless insensitive jerks who treat her like dirt and you will have to painfully listen to her lament over her misfortunes in the arena of love. She will describe for you the sort of man that she is _really_ looking for, but she will never realize that she is describing you to a tee. The reason for this is that she does not really want the sort of man she describes. Most women prefer jerks whether they realize it or not. -- SidewinderHypothesis: Most women prefer jerks
Subject: just friends Hey Joe (always wanted to say that): There was a discussion on this topic on alt.gothic a while ago (hell, it's probably still going on... you know how bitter goths are). The question was, What does "Just Friends" mean? Now, I can't take credit for this response. It was sent in by someone else, but I liked it so much that I forwarded it to my mailbox, where it has been sitting ever since, waiting for me to find your web page. So, here's the article: -- Robert C. E.I assume you don't mean "gothic" in the sense of "lust-filled bodice-ripper."
Oh yes, I too have received THE TREATMENT. 90% of my friends are female, and doggone it, ideas do creep into my head every so often. But look, I've learned that even if friendship is what you value foremost in a love relationship, that doesn't mean that someone you click with as a friend will necessarily work out as a lover anyway. I think that the things that people seek in a friendship are (in most cases, anyway) perfectly rational (like-mindedness, for example), whereas our pursuit of romantic bliss can be driven by inexplicable, neurotic impulses. Don't try to understand it! When you meet the right person, it'll work out. If it doesn't want to take root, stop beating your head against the wall! You're wasting your time! If a woman gives you The Treatment, it's probably because she's much more sensible than you are. - SeanThe thing with beating your head against a wall is that it feels so good when you stop. The trouble is:
Your article is a riot! But alas,in a way,it happened twenty years to late! I was having all the symptons discribed for a girl that was close to me but I never got to know her at all.Your strategies might just have worked then. I have a few platonic relatinships with women that I have no interest for,so my mind is at rest. In fact,I consider any relationship other than platonic as troublesome now for with my computer, the Net and HotWired,who needs to go the trouble of a relationship anyway. All the best. gi.Is it just me, or is that last bit kind of disturbing?
Subject: salad girls and lack of mail
Joelogin...you are weird. That is good though. I found you just by
surfing, which is funded entirely by my I-Net provider, hewlett
packard. They are good to me. Oh the horror of it all. Your
sarcastic sense of humour is enchanting. Nice scoop on girls too, I
must say. (Sorry, I am not a girl.) Platonic friendships are a
necessary evil, as you have noted all too well. Which reminds me of my
favorite joke...why do girls wear perfume and makeup? Becasue they
are ugly and smell bad.
Write back if you get the urge. Or just send some salad.
peder
I wonder what this says about guys, who wear neither perfume nor
makeup.
Subject: this is from a few of us We have just spent our entire lunch hour reading through your home page and laughing hiysterically. by the way, 2 of us just want to be your platonic friend (:) (i'm sure you get a lot of that)... the oter two (being male) have no other choice but than to be yopur gay lovers (no no no gay platonic friends...yeah that's it)--oh wait that won't work neither of them are gay, oh well, maybe they'll make some major life choices because of your home page-- wouldn't that be good for your ego?!?!?!?! that, or they just might go into the salad king industry :) anyways, take care :) katharine, cathie, matt and brianLemme get this straight: it took four of you to write this message? I must admit, though, I derive great pleasure in making other men question their sexuality.
From: rsdeac I don't know what you're talking about. I've never had a girl tell me she wants to be "just friends". They either want to be really good friends or never want to see me again. But I am planning to graduate from William and Mary with a degree in history and then make salads for a living. Keep up the good work.Methinks our friend here is either in really deep denial, or else he is really oblivious.
I got a big kick out of your web page, thanks for going to the trouble. I remember hearing on a radio talk show recently about a new book called "Nice Guys Don't Get Laid." I don't remember the author's name, though. Anyway, I thought I'd submit this piece of advice: Nice Guy's Best Revenge: Drop your newly acquired "best friend" like a bad habit and get on with your life. Eventually, after some trial and error you *will* find the right lady and marry her (this could take a while). After you do, call up your "best friend(s)" and share the great news with them. They will either: (A) be truly happy for you and say so, or (B) be shocked that you really did firnd someone else, and will pretend they are truly happy for you and say so. For best results, call the ones that you know are still suffering from the clods you warned them about. Also, make sure and tell them about your kids and how beautiful they are. Have fun. -- AJYou can do this, or you can also try getting her attention by doing what John Hinckley did to impress Jodie Foster...but then, I don't want to get in trouble with the Secret Service. And besides, I'm not sure shooting Reagan now would have as much cachet.
Got a good (and much needed laugh) out of it at the end of a hellish workday. Then I saw the "Platonic Friends page" (courtesy of Wired, those shameless quasi-hipsters) and really lost it ;) Sounds like one of my old rants. I got married recently, so maybe it does even out in the end, Thanks -- MattRemember, listen to AJ, and when you get to the "beautiful kids" part, be sure to call up all your old platonic friends and let them know about it. You can also send a cloyingly sweet "Buffy-and-the-kids" form letter with your holiday greeting cards.
From: kjones I curse you for having stolen my page idea. It would be so much better if you hadn't done it so damnably good. - Frustrated in PheonixDear Frustrated,
Do I look like "Dear Abby" to you, pal? And yes, I did steal this idea from you. Nyah.