I Was Caught Showering in the Women's Locker Room of My Gym

"Attention Members! Locker Rooms are SWAPPED while the women's steam room is being rebuilt: Men use Women's; Women use Men's. Thanks!"

The Locker Room Burrito Is a Lie

I went to the gym tonight for the first time since I hurt my back a few weeks ago. To avoid hurting myself again, I only did cardio, which I need to focus on anyway.

In the locker room, there was this flyer taped to the mirror. After reading it, I needed to take a picture. (Yes, I was that guy using a cellphone camera inside the locker room):

The burrito is a lie.

It's a flyer for the relatively new Chipotle in Reston Town Center; the promotion involves showing your Fitness First membership card there on Saturdays in March for a free burrito (or bowl, tacos, or salad); the picture features a burrito, with the caption, "More Than Worth Those Ten Extra Minutes on the Treadmill."

Now, according to the ChipotleFan.com calorie calculator, a standard chicken burrito combination clocks in at just under 1100 calories.

Using any given calorie calculator (say, this one at SparkPeople), 10 minutes on the treadmill, at a basic 10-minute mile pace (6 mph), burns about 100 calories.

Unless you can run at 60 mph (you shut up, Mr. Steve Austin), what the ad implies is off by a factor of 10. It's a lot closer to two hours than ten minutes.

This does not mean that I won't be there on Saturday to snag a free burrito. (Hey, free burrito.)

I enjoy Chipotle, but I like Baja Fresh more, mostly because I raid the salsa bar and use the extra red salsa in meatloaf, marinades, etc. (Hate the new condiment bags, by the way -- they suck. I used to be able to fit 8 salsa cups into one of the old paper bags.)

Anyway, I did 20 minutes on the treadmill (brisk walking at about 4.4 mph -- running makes my knee hurt), then followed with about 10 minutes of jumping rope.

Tags: chipotle, fitness first, baja fresh

Dumb Gym I Have Done Lately

I jacked my back a little yesterday as I tend to do occasionally, leaning too far forward while doing a warmup set of squats. (Somewhat ironically, I'd been concentrating on my foot position to keep my right knee happy, and didn't pay enough attention to my back posture.)

Since you can't really train around a lower back strain, it looks like I'll be taking it easy and hitting the reset button by eating pre-Halloween candy for a week or so. But it's not too much of a major loss -- after 8 weeks of medium sets (well, ostensibly medium -- when I plateau, my medium sets of 10 top out looking a lot like my heavy sets of 5), it was time to switch back to light sets of 20, anyway.

It does mean that I'll have to cut back on my eating. I'm at about 141 now, whereas my natural tendency is about 5-10 pounds lighter. (I enjoy the medium and heavy phases, since I get to eat more, even if it ends up mostly being granola bars, egg whites, and badly-prepared chicken -- as previously noted, I don't go the whole "brown rice, steamed vegetables, and chicken breast" route -- I could probably do a lot better if I was stricter about my diet, but I guess I just don't care that much.)

In terms of physique ("buffitude," not anything like functional strength), I'm probably at my all-time best right now. (You're going to have to trust me on this.) My bench press is over 200 pounds (machine weights, not free, but still), whereas previously I'd never been able to get past that.

Cardio-wise, though, I think I hit my peak my sophomore year of high school (JV soccer) -- since then, no matter how much I try (which, admittedly, hasn't been all that consistently), I don't manage to get any better, and in fact, probably keep getting worse.

Since I'll be on the sidelines for a week or so, popping Advil and blogging on my back, here are a few observations from the gym, which I think are fairly universal:

• When you first arrive at the gym, it will be wall-to-wall eye candy (featuring whatever gender you favor). When you emerge from the changing room, they will have been replaced by the "Seniors' Low Impact Yoga" class.
  
  
• Speaking of the locker room, here's an observation: Say the locker room is empty, save for you and two other people. Invariably, your lockers will be immediately adjacent to each other.
  
  
• At some point after my formative years, padlock manufacturers decided to give people color choices beyond the standard black. You will pick a color to reflect your personality and distinguish your lock from everybody else's. This color will be the exact same color that everyone else has chosen. It will be either bluish-purple, or purplish-blue.
  
  
• At my gym, I'm probably known as "Asian Guy Who Always Wears Kickball Shirts With the Sleeves Ripped Out." This puts me in the company of "Towel Chewer" and "Gracefully Aging Cheerleading Captain," along with more general archetypes "iPhone Yakker," "Inappropriately Loud Grunter," any number of "Desperate Housewives," and so forth.
  

Lastly, perhaps this is a suburban thing, but some folks are really trusting about not using padlocks -- at all -- on their lockers. I know that your typical gym padlock is trivially easy to shim open, but at least it shows you're trying.

Tags: gym, workouts, locker rooms

I Rarely Go Deep Enough

I'm talking about during my squats, of course. Mostly because I'm lazy and out of shape; partly because, for a time, I kept jacking my back at inconvenient intervals due to poor technique; and lastly because my right knee often makes funny noises when I try.

I'm supposed to be doing 20-rep sets for the next few weeks, which is a chance to work on cleaning up my technique, but it seems that the lower the weight I use, the fewer reps I can do.

I'm hoping this means I'm actually going deep enough for a change.

After my work set (which was more of "hobby" set), I finished up with 3 sets of 20 squats using just the weight bar (45 pounds). It took a lot out of me, but I was able to finish the rest of my workout. Well, most of it -- my body thoughtfully gives me a splitting headache just before I'm on the verge of throwing up, which gives me a chance to stop and avoid making a mess.

NCAA Final Notes
Now despite my earlier Tweet, the gym didn't have the NCAA Final on any of the TVs. Apparently I didn't miss too much, though -- UNC seems to have things commandingly in hand, and Michigan keeps getting picked, chucking up 3-pointers, and missing free throws.

I'm kind of grudingly rooting for UNC, if only in the interest of ACC solidarity (outside of Duke and UNC, the ACC had another weak tournament showing).

I had been going on a working theory that if you're Duke or UNC, you're not going to win a national championship unless you beat the other team at least twice (and it'd be a prerequisite, not a guarantee) -- it works on the Duke side, though leave it to UNC to not cooperate.

Finally, I'd just like to say that the overhead arena cam gives me vertigo.

The Wheel of Fortune Turns Faster These Days

I was in the gym last night on the Stair Master, and Wheel of Fortune was on the TV directly in front of me.

I haven't watched the show in years -- the last time probably found me laid up in bed with the flu, gazing slack-jawed at the original daytime version, where Vanna White still turned the cards by hand (she's still holding up well, incidentally), round winners shopped for stupid ceramic dogs, and they didn't give you R, S, T, L, N and E on the bonus round.

The thing I noticed as I was huffing and puffing away with the sound off, is that the gameplay is so much faster now. They hardly show the contestants spinning the wheel, or even the wheel spinning at all -- they just cut to the last few clicks. They might as well just be pressing a button on a slot machine.

It's a metaphor for the pace of life these days, compared to the halcyon days of my youth.

My lawn. Get off of it.

Anyway, I also tried out the VersaClimber for the first time. The Reston Fitness First has two, kind of tucked away. It wasn't what I expected, though I wasn't exactly on a record-setting pace -- I was just trying to get the motion down.

I will look forward to trying some Tabata Intervals on it (20 seconds sprint, 10 seconds recover, 8 times) -- people seem to rave about them, and a 4-minute burst appeals to me more than 20+ minutes of slogging.

On a final note, I see that the footer of the Fitness First site has a link (unlinked, as yet) for a "Fitness First blog," which makes a lot of sense. I'm surprised that more gyms and health clubs don't do blogs, it seems like a ready-made audience, as seen by the tons of personal trainers on YouTube and such. (They do have a Facebook profile, though not much a presence -- it's overwhelmed by pages and groups about the non-US chain of the same name, which apparently everyone hates.)

Tags: wheel of fortune, fitness first clubs, versaclimber, tabata intervals

Men Should Wear Gym Shorts When They Work Out

My sleep schedule has been really whacked out lately -- I think I'm running on Anchorage time. So I was on the fence about going to the gym after work, but a few good traffic omens found me in the locker room, changing.

Until I realized that I'd forgotten my gym shorts.

Damned if I was going to be forced into another course of action simply because of my stupidity, though I couldn't wear jeans for a leg workout, and I wasn't going to go all the way home and come back.

Fortunately, the Fitness First in Plaza America is right next door to a Modell's, so I picked up a couple pairs of gym shorts (On sale, 2 for $12. Now, they were boys' shorts, but I'm not that tall, and kids' shorts these days are cut dress-length, anyway, so a youth medium basketball short is like an adult small soccer short, so it worked out.)

Also, I found that the Stairmaster that looks like an escalator is a lot more challenging than the other kind, since it's a lot closer to actually climbing stairs.

So, a Rabbit Walks Into a Bike (and other events)

It's been unseasonably warm for October, so I ventured this afternoon into the weekend sunlight to skate. I preceeded this with a trip to the gym for a bonus beach muscles workout, which is a necessity if I'm going to complete my Michael Phelps Halloween costume.

(I'm not actually going as Michael Phelps. It'd be a simple costume, but I don't want to shave my bikini line. Also, I get cold easily. And, while I do have pectorals again, it's a long way from here to there. I did, however, get a costume inspiration Saturday night, so I've been shopping around for materials. Though I haven't actually, you know, formulated a plan yet, which is always a winning strategy. But I do know I need to buy a heat gun.)

Anyway, conditions on the trail were good. I started on the W&OD trail in Reston and headed east, which of course meant hitting the annoying hill at Buckthorn Lane (which features my favorite sign):

Actually taken coming back (westbound)

Nothing too eventful on the way out, and I turned around at Vienna. On the way back, I saw a bunch of vultures perched on a power tower, though the most notable thing happened back in Reston. There was an oncoming biker about 50 feet ahead of me, when all of a sudden, a rabbit darted out from the side of the trail and ran smack into the guy's back wheel.

For a bad moment, I thought the critter was going to get caught up in the works, but it just bounced off and scampered back into the brush.

I made it back without further incident. Afterwards, I went to Home Depot for some materials (did you know a 10-foot length of PVC pipe will bend just enough so I can fit it completely inside my car?), then to Harris Teeter (always a good idea, food shopping when you're ravenously hungry).

*********************
Saturday, I went to Oktoberfest Reston in Ye Olde Reston Town Center -- as noted, I didn't quite get how Zydeco music fit into the whole "Oktoberfest" thing.

Afterwards, we went to Jackson's Mighty Fine Food, which I didn't even know was there -- it was a parking lot a few months ago. It's a Great American Restaurants joint, so it's done up by the same folks who do Sweetwater Tavern and such (and looks it).

It was muy crowded -- we were surrounded by Stiflers (and the cougars who hunt them) -- though don't wear a baseball cap, else you'll be told to remove it (I suggested using it as a strategem to get a drink order in faster).

I think I packed it in before midnight, so I missed the excitement just up the street -- according to the Post, just down Sunrise Valley from me, a driver went off the road, hit a tree and flipped, killing him. Owwie. I predict more speed enforcement, and maybe another DUI checkpoint, in the neighborhood in the near future.

As to the rest of it -- the costume will involve some crafting, some engineering, and some construction, so we'll see how that goes.

Tags: w&od trail

That Last Rep Was Probably a Mistake

I jacked my back a little bit at the gym this afternoon. It's okay as long as I don't need to sit on the floor. Or touch my toes.

I was doing squats -- after 6 weeks of doing 20-rep sets, I switched to 5-rep sets (I hadn't been making too much progress anyway -- still haven't conquered the "eating right" portion of things. Though I was able to fit into my suit a couple of weeks ago).

Now, the free weight racks were taken, and I didn't feel like waiting, so I went over to the Smith machine. It locks you into the vertical axis, which was okay for the warmup sets, but it was a mistake for the work set.

The right side of my back had been a little sore, so I was already favoring it a bit. I went for one last rep (I figured out last week that by widening my stance, I could get closer to parallel without making my knee feel funny), when I felt a silent little ping in the lower left part of my back.

I set the weight down in a rapid, but controlled fashion. I did finish the workout in half-assed fashion, but we'll see what Mr. Advil has to say about this tomorrow.

************************
In other news, the Adams Morgan Street Festival was Sunday, and it was middle-of-summer hot. I walked up and down the hill a few times, ran into Martin, got my usual pad thai and Jamaican beef patty (but no chicken on a stick or steak in a sac), but didn't end up taking any pictures. Not even of the "No curry, no spices" faux-thai stand, the "Pad Thai, Corn Dog" stand, the Madam's Organ festival boycott storefront, or anything else. I was uninspired. That, and thinking about my backlog of photos.

I also spent about an hour in the CD store, at first to cool off, but then looking through the discount racks. Emmet Swimming and Republica for 15 cents each, then taking a flyer on Eiffel 65's Europop, Sister Machine Gun's Burn and Liz Phair's Juvenalia for a buck each, and then two BRMC albums (B.R.M.C. and Howl) for a bit more.

Saturday, caught Chuck Brown at the Kennedy Center Open House (after some GPS- and parking-related misadventures), then went to hang out on U Street for a bit.

Anyway, I think I will take that Advil now.

You Don't Have to Go to the Gym If It's on Fire

I was going to go to the gym today, really I was. But then I saw this on the front door:

"Fitness First is CLOSED DUE TO FIRE..."

The Fitness First Web site says, "Reston, Virginia - Due to a fire, the club will remain closed until 5 am, Tuesday, August 26th. Group exercise and free weights will remain closed for approximately two weeks."

I guessed that someone was just too darned fast on the treadmill, though a fellow thwarted gym-goer suggested it was due to a fat lady wearing corduroy pants, which I find unlikely.

I've been to the Fitness First in Tysons Corner a few times, which is close to my work site. It's newer, bigger, and nicer, so it works out pretty well -- I can still get an afternoon workout before I head into Arlington or DC (for a change, it looks like I chose wisely).

Anyway, I went home and got my skates (which of course I'd taken out of the back of my car) and went on the W&OD Trail (my usual route, from Reston Parkway to Route 28 and back). It smelled like rain, so I almost cut it short early, but ended up sticking it out. Yay, me, although my feet hurt now.

Tags: fitness first

Needs More Mung (Soybean and Smoked Turkey Salad)

I finally made it through 3 sets of the conditioning workout that I'm trying to do in between regular workout days. (With the help of judicious pauses, and cheating on the Bosu ball push-ups, but at least I finished.)

For dinner, since I had to work my way through that two-pound bag of soy bean sprouts (not mung bean sprouts as I'd originally thought), I did a bean sprout salad, starting with a recipe from the Chowhound topic and modifying it along the way based on what I had on hand:

1. Cover and microwave soy bean sprouts for 3 minutes (Or 3:33 if you're particularly lazy. Which I was.)
2. Rinse under cold water, and drain.
3. Add in splash of soy sauce, two splashes of vinegar, sprinkle of sugar, half a takeout container of hot salsa from Baja Fresh, a few pinches of cilantro (also from Baja Fresh), and a few drips of olive oil.
   
4. Shred a few slices of smoked turkey and add it in.
5. Spice to taste -- in this case I used, cayenne, garlic powder, chili powder, onion flakes, cumin, curry, black pepper, red pepper, and the spice flavoring from Shin Ramyun ramen (which I save in a container from the packets, since using a full packet in the soup is too hot for me).
6. Toss, shake and serve.

It was pretty good -- crunchy, spicy, with lots of fiber and protein. (The vegetarian version works, too, but I wanted the extra suffering.)

I didn't realize that soy beans were comparatively high in fat (the package says 8 grams of fat in an 85 gram -- 3 ounce -- serving), though maybe I will switch to those mung bean sprouts.

Tags: bean sprouts, soy beans

Lactic Acid, White Rice, and Dark Meat

Despite some earlier misgivings, I went for a skate on the W&OD Trail this afternoon, starting at Old Reston Avenue and going west to Sterling Boulevard (and back, of course, after extending to Wiehle Ave on the return leg) -- about 10 miles.

The reason I was having those misgivings was that my legs were still sore from delayed onset muscle soreness, after a Sunday leg/shoulder workout and a Monday conditioning workout that kicked my ass (again), even without a trainer prodding me.

I skated on the theory that it would flush the lactic acid from my muscles (especially my quads), which would be great, except 1.) It would be replaced by fresh lactic acid, and 2.) Current thinking on DOMS is that it isn't caused by lactic acid buildup.

Anyway, it was a good day to skate, and I ran into some friends near the Fairfax County Parkway overpass, who were taking some wedding portfolio pictures.

That Conditioning Workout I Keep Whining About
Incidentally, here's the workout that keeps kicking my ass -- it's light weight, one set of 20 reps on each exercise, switch quickly between exercises (you need a Bosu ball, dumbbells, and an adjustable cable cross machine). Repeat the cycle 3 times. Try not to pass out:

• Cable push-pulls
• Single-leg Bosu ball push ups
• Lat pulldowns
• Dumbbell upright row
• Straight arm front cable pulldowns
• Bosu ball dumbbell push press
• Lat raises
  
• Bosu ball squats

This time around, I got through 2 cycles out of 3([a half more than my previous time) before I had to stop, due to a monster headache and not wanting to barf.

When I get into a little better shape, it'll be a good workout between my usual three-day split. (I enjoy saying "three-day split." It makes me feel butch.)

As to the rest of the headline, I'm still eating dark meat (drumsticks or thighs, prepared one value pack at a time) and white rice, instead of the opposite, so I guess I'm still Doing It Wrong.

That just means it'll take me a little bit longer to get ripped, shredded, stacked, packed, smothered and covered, at which time I will resume my underwear modeling career.

Stupid Should Hurt: Health Club Audition Edition

Probably the AOL perk I miss the most is easy access to the well-appointed, on-campus fitness centers. (Not that I used them much in my last few months, but still.)

So I'm currently (not to mention finally) in the process of auditioning a new gym, which I haven't had to bother with since the McBurney YMCA in NY a few speculative bubbles ago. (It was a nice setup -- after work, I'd take the bus down from midtown, work out, then use my transfer to go crosstown to my place on 20th.)

I visited a couple of the local gyms last week, looked around and got free passes. I went to the first place on Friday, did an extremely lame and light full-body workout, and yet still managed to knock the legs out from under me.

Today, as I was heading into the second place, I discovered that I had left and lost my lock at the first place.

Now, I have a few extra combination locks at home (I even have the combinations for some of them), but I didn't feel like driving back. Luckily, there was a sporting goods store next door that had them for a higher-than-usual markup, so I bought one (remember, stupid should hurt -- or at least cost).

Unlike the duplicate CD caper, though, you do not get any benefit from this dumb move -- although you can have my old combination in case you run into my old lock (it's purple):

(Incidentally, I know that it's trivially easy to make a padlock shim out of a beer can.)

Now, as to the Reston health club offerings, here are my capsule reviews:

Reston Sport and Health
Positive: Lots of machines (though some are older, uncomfortable, and, frankly, just look like filler). Close to the W&OD Trail.
Negative: Bumpy parking lot. A little hard to get to during rush hour (though I suppose that goes for practically anywhere around here).
Neutral: Open floor plan.

Fitness First Reston
Positive: Free weight area set apart a bit. They have a machine setup I'm used to, plus headset audio for the TVs in front of the cardio machines. Can use the other locations.
Negative: On the small side -- a little cramped (though the space is well-utilized). Plus, it's in Plaza America, so parking can be tight at times.
Neutral: Looks like it has its share of both meatheads and hot chicks.
Perverse: It's on the second floor -- and the main way up is an escalator.

Reston YMCA
Positive: Big, lots of machines. Indoor running track and basketball court. Swimming pool. Lots of programs and activities.
Negative: Very pricey. And I'll probably never use the programs or pool.
Neutral: Right next door to Chipotle. (Better make that a negative. The Fitness First is right next to a Five Guys, with the pizza place and Baja Fresh just a few doors down, so I guess that's even worse.)

Health Club of Reston
Positive: Convenient location across from Reston Parkway.
Negative: No longer exists.
Neutral: That about covers it.

There are a few more possibilities, though I don't see myself as a Gold's person. I'm leaning towards the Fitness First -- it's marginally cheaper and open a little later. But whatever happens, I'm sure I'll be fit, ripped and huge shortly.

If anyone has any opinions about Reston/Herndon fitness club options, leave a comment.

Tags: health clubs

Skate or Blog: Choose One

I'm so out of shape right now, when I go skating, it wipes me out for the rest of the day. And for a good chunk of the next day. Which is probably one of the reasons I haven't posted for a while.

My first time out this year was in Baltimore, for the Kinetic Sculpture Race (the photos of which I still haven't done up yet). It was a sink-or-swim kind of deal, since it covers about 15 miles over the course of the day, but I made it. (More or less -- but were my feet sore.)

I went out again last Wednesday afternoon, starting at Sunset Hills and going west just past Herndon. Not too far, but my legs were still dead from a bike ride on Memorial Day Monday (only Reston to Vienna, but the hill at Blackthorn Road coming back wiped me out).

I also wanted to do a trial run on skates using my Poor Man's Steadycam, but I ended up just hauling it around in my backpack to get a sense of the weight (it's not a delightful experience). Though I did take a few video test shots just holding my camera -- kind of a "before" shot for comparison -- it's pretty unwatchable because of all the side-to-side motion (until I get to the coasting part):

Leaving aside the fact that it would be kind of, you know, dangerous, to try skating at speed while hanging on to the rig with both hands, I'm hoping I can still use it while coasting on flats or mild downhills. Which would make me kind of a human steadycam dolly.

During the ride, my bearings were making a lot of noise. I figured I'd thrashed them pretty good in Baltimore, so over the weekend, I took them apart to rotate the wheels, and clean and regrease the bearings:

Skate shell, booties, wheels, bearings, shields, clips, spacers, bolts and grease.

Here you can see my current, first, and only skates: Rollerblade Coolblades, which I bought back in 1994 or 1995 for about $300 (with pads). I've taken them up and down Manhattan, through the Central Park loop countless times, up to Niagara Falls, and out to Iowa. They've held up surprisingly well -- I've only replaced the wheels and bearings a couple of times.

They still pinch at the base of my shins, but I'm pretty used to that by now (bloody socks and all). Though I'll think I'll eventually switch to a traditional lace-up boot, maybe jump over to K2s (K2 still makes skates, right?)

Here's a macro shot of one of the bearings:

Degreasing brought to you by Simple Green.

Anyway, I and my now-clean bearings went out again on Monday, starting at Sunset Hills and going west. I got a late start (6:20ish), so I figured my turnaround time would be 7pm, giving me enough margin to get back before safely before sunset (even if I gassed out).

At 7pm, I'd just made it to Church Road, which is just close enough to the Route 28 overpass that I decided to stretch it out a little more. Although I wasn't able to do a full speed run on the overpass's westbound downhill (which is still one of my favorite things to do -- it's no Central Park "Big Hill," but it has a nice, long, straight rollout), since there was an inconvenient bit of gravel on the trail.

I eventually made it back with time to spare. Again, only about a 15-mile round trip. But here's a tip -- if you're going to be skating close to dusk, try to keep your mouth closed. (Bugs -- ptooey.)

Tags: w&od trail, skating, rollerblades, coolblades

A Fox at the Gym Stole Someone's Wegmans

At best, that headline is speculative; at worst, it's pure fiction.

I was going over to the office gym at around 9pm tonight -- it was the lawn area in front of the gym, and it's not particularly well lit. I saw a white shape darting across the lawn, stopping at a tree.

At first I thought it was a trick of the light, but as I got closer, I saw the bushes just past the tree were still rustling. The white shape was a Wegman's plastic bag with a takeout container inside, presumably trash from a nearby garbage can. So I'm guessing a fox, raccoon or possibly a badger of some sort had grabbed the trash, and ditched it at the tree and bolted for the bushes as I got close.

That was probably the highlight of my workout, which was light legs and shoulder, finishing up with about 10 minutes of jump rope. (13 minutes of rope time, minus about 3 minutes of pausing, gasping and panting.)

Tags: wegmans, badger, jump rope

I Give Up: I Declare This GLUTTONY WEEK

It started on Saturday, when I read the story about the Dairy Queen Blizzard road rage incident and had to have one. This is despite the fact that I'd never eaten one before.

I only got the small, though. Heath bar.

It was okay.

On Sunday, I went grocery shopping. I was coming back from the Folklife festival and hadn't eaten anything all day except for a banana and a Kashi GOLEAN Roll! (they're really good), so I was in trouble.

I ended up buying a 6-pack of Klondike Heath bars ($1.99! That's 33 cents a bar! Such a bargain...), a pack of steaks (small ones), and two bags of Lay's Cheddar and Sour Cream potato chips (half-price). Oh, and my groceries.

Okay, all was not lost. I was going to go to the gym tonight.

But the Monday evening thing never really seems to work out for me (so to speak).

Then, tomorrow's going a pre-holiday, then of course, Wednesday is the Fourth.

So, fitness-wise, I'm writing off this week and going to be a glutton.

For my first act, I think I will finish off (another) Klondike Heath bar, covered in two kinds of pudding. Then, I will start alternating salty and sweet foods until my taste buds fall off.

I will have to play the rest by ear.

Tags: gluttony week

From 0 to 140 in 35... Years

I'm up to 140 now.

(Pounds.)

It's not the good kind of 140 -- the "lean, rock-ribbed, 6-12 packed, resting heart rate of 55 kind of 140."

It's the "flabby, out-of-breath climbing the stairs, 30 minutes of light-to-moderate activity followed by 3 hours of drinking beer" kind of 140.

I thought I was going to start the week out right and get to the gym, but I started flagging towards 8pm.

I hit a brief uptick where I thought I'd make it, but then I had to spend 10 minutes fiddling with some printer settings (I had to print out my temporary car registration renewal), and the window of opportunity was lost.

I figure I can coast a bit more (good genes), but I got to get back on the wagon soon, or else I'll never make it as an underwear model.