The Hammer Is My Penis

Captain Hammer says: "The Hammer is my penis."

I'm not a Joss Whedon fanboy, but I'm liking Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog so far, even though it's causing the TMBG song "Someone Keeps Moving My Chair" to keep looping in my head ("Mr. Horrible, Mr. Horrible: Telephone call for Mr. Horrible").

It's cute and well-cast (even though Felicia Day runs the risk of getting typecast in laundromat roles).

This is a short review, but then, it's a short movie.

Tags: dr. horrible

Michael Mann Calls You "Sport" Before You Get Shot

I did that thing the other night again, landing in the place halfway between not being able to get to sleep and waking up way too early.

Either way, I was too useless to try to do anything productive, so I decided to dip into my stack of unwatched DVDs. I chose Michael Mann's Miami Vice of 2006.

It did not put me to sleep. Although I'm a little surprised that it didn't -- it takes a while to get rolling. And even when it does, it drags in places -- most notably, during the courtship of Colin Farrell and Gong Li. Of the rendered judgments of the movie, this is the one I agree with the most -- it's flat, and if there was any chemistry there, it didn't show up on film.

The narrative is a little disjointed -- it feels like it's missing something: as if it belongs in a four-episode arc of a series. Especially the ending, which is kind of weak on its own.

I wouldn't rank it among Michael Mann's best works. However, it does have a few bits of great dialogue, including this doozy delivered by Detective Gina Calabrese (played by Elizabeth Rodriguez) to a hostage-taker who says he's going to push a button and blow up everyone in the room:

"That's not what happens. What will happen is... what will happen is, I will put a round at 2,700 feet per second into the medulla at the base of your brain. And you will be dead from the neck down before your body knows it. Your finger won't even twitch. Only you get dead. So tell me, sport, do you believe that?"

The visual works better when you see she's behind a Heckler & Koch G-36C when she's saying it:

I just can't see "dude" working as well in this context.

Now, besides the word "medulla," the other word that you don't hear very much is "sport" (at least, not as a term of address, and certainly not one outside of crazy uncles and 1950s sitcoms).

One other place you'll hear sport used like this is Michael Mann's 1986 movie Manhunter -- the line comes from Will Graham, as he's about to get serious about catching the bad guy:

"It's just you and me now, sport."

You know he's serious, as he's looking out at the rain. Also, that he's smart, since he's not getting wet.

In conclusion... well, I didn't really have a conclusion. I had a digression -- looking up Manhunter surfaced an interesting YouTube video, which led to the start of a much more involved discussion about the merits of Michael Mann's Manhunter version Brett Ratner's Red Dragon (hint: Manhunter is better) but that will have to wait.

Tags: manhunter, miami vice, michael mann

My Dad Mooned Me on Skype for Mothers Day

For Mothers Day, I had a nice, long Skype video chat with my family.

I was even able to show my mom the card I forgot to mail to her. (She said to save it for next year. )

Also, apparently Dad has been having some intermittent pain in his sacroiliac joints (on the pelvis, to the left and right of the spine, just above the buttocks). Being a doctor, he felt the need to show the location, so he basically mooned me via webcam. Well, half-mooned.

Other than that, today was very damp. I went to a matinee showing of Iron Man, which besides living up to high expectations (save for the post-credits cameo bonus scene, which was kind of a letdown after the big buildup), was also the first movie I'd seen in a theater since I saw Children of Men last January.

I'm at a point in my life where, if a movie is good enough for me to see in a movie theater, it's a movie I'll most likely want to own. In which case, why not just wait a couple of months instead of paying for it twice?

And I don't even have a killer home theater setup. I guess I'm getting pragmatic. Or cheap. Or I need to go out on more dinner-and-a-movie dates.

(And while we're on the topic: Why dinner first, and then the movie? Shouldn't it be movie first, and then dinner? That way, you can at least talk about the movie at dinner. And you don't have to worry about having to duck out to the restroom halfway through because you drank too much water during dinner.)

I also stopped by the neighborhood Giant on the way home. Besides getting thoroughly moistened by the rain, I was also somewhat disconcerted; they're renovating the place and using a new floor plan, so everything is all moved around.

That was pretty much my weekend right there.

Waking Up to the Sound of George Clooney Screaming

Yakov Smirnoff was in the middle of calling the play-by-play for a Slamball match when I woke up this morning.

The night before, I awoke to the sound of George Clooney screaming; I'd fallen asleep on the couch, shortly after putting Syriana on -- evidently there's a torture scene. I don't remember a bit of it.

Just prior to that, I'd finally made it all the way through Glengarry Glen Ross. I'd started it ages ago, but I never could get through it -- I kept falling asleep, probably because of all the rain scenes. Though all the endless variations of "Fuck you!" "No, fuck you!" Mamet dialog also gets pretty tedious.

Tags: david mamet, glengarry glen ross

Because All You of Earth Are Idiots!

Plan 9 From Outer Space is pretty rich with quotes. Here are some others:

"You see? You see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!"

"In my land, women are for advancing the race, not for fighting man's battles."

And that's just from the second half of the movie, since I got to Dr. Dremo's way late for the last screening there of the Washington Psychotronic Film Society.

Incidentally, it was jam-packed, with people sitting on the floor.

Also, Jenny won yet another door prize: A numbered print of former porn star/actress Traci Lords. You can clearly see how thrilled she is:

Jenny poses with her prize. Score.

WPFS was a good fit for Dr. Dremo's, so it'll be interesting to see where movie nights will end up moving to.

Tags: plan 9 from outer space, dr. dremos, wpfs, washington psychotronic film society

All Red Dawn: All the Time

After careful analysis, and with CourtTV's rebranding to TruTV fresh in mind (to better reflect its updated programming mission blah blah blah), I've come to the conclusion that the AMC network, formerly American Movie Classics, should update its name to the RED network, for "Red Dawn Every Day."

This is only a slight exaggeration -- if they could get "RDFFHH" into a meaningful acronym, it would be even better, since the Big 3 AMC offerings seem to be Red Dawn, Firefox and Hamburger Hill. (Okay, throw Heartbreak Ridge into the mix, too.)

Tags: AMC

See the color of my skin? That means I'M the boss!

I went to Dr. Dremo's last night to catch one of the Washington Psychotronic Film Society's last three screenings there.

This week's feature was The Further Adventures of Tennessee Buck, an Indiana Jones knockoff directed by, and starring, David Keith (who should not be confused with Keith David).

David Keith has had notable roles in films like The Lords of Discipline, An Officer and a Gentleman, and U-571.

This was not one of those roles.

Perhaps directing himself was a mistake.

Starring in the female lead was Kathy Shower, who at the time held the distinction of being the oldest Playboy Playmate at the ripe old age of... 32.

Which is significantly younger than I am right now.

Man, I'm getting old.

Anyway, she doesn't get naked until an hour into the movie.

Other than that, there's a notable moment when the doofus white safari tourist, on the run from headhunters, says to his native guide (paraphrasing):

"See the color of my skin? That means I'm the boss!"

He is, of course, caught and decapitated shortly thereafter.

That's about it.

On an attendance note, the movie crowd was about the same, but the bar crowd was heavier than I'd seen on a Tuesday. Maybe people getting their last licks in -- I don't think the two-dollar pint special, which was some sort of ginger beer, was that big of a draw by itself.

The last two movies that'll be shown are Beer and Plan 9 From Outer Space, so don't miss 'em.

---

As for tonight, The Positions are playing at the Rock and Roll Hotel. I may try to go see them, but I'll probably also try to meet up with some folks at Clyde's in Ashburn beforehand, which would make it kind of a haul. So we'll see.

Tags: dr. dremos, wpfs

Post-Christmas Roundup, Part 1

It took a grueling six hours to drive from New Jersey to Virginia this afternoon.

That includes an hour crawling on the New Jersey and Delaware Turnpikes; two pit stops (including time to brush off a "out of gas, can you help me out" hustle), and about an hour at the Army Ordnance Museum at Aberdeen Proving Ground.

So it actually wasn't all that bad.

Of course, I apparently brought back some sort of cold (although it's possible it's been incubating since Friday) -- I've got a sore throat and the crawly chills all over.

I've got a whole lot of pictures from Christmas Day and the surrounding events that I need to get up, though I really just want to stay horizontal right now. I just watched 300, which I picked up at the Virgin Megastore on Broadway on Christmas Day (hey, it was just about the only thing open) -- after all the buildup, all the hype, I just have to say:

What a visually interesting, overwrought piece of melodramatic crap.

The 300-inspired memes were more interesting than the movie.

Also, yet again, I bought a CD I already own -- Belle & Sebastian's If You're Feeling Sinister (anyone want a free CD)?

At this point, I have to add them to the "make sure you don't already own the CD" list of bands, which includes Throwing Muses, Cocteau Twins, Stereolab, and Mazzy Star (and I've only got two of their albums).

Feel... Myself... Getting... Dumber

Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle is on. I keep flipping past it, and I can actually feel myself getting stupider.

It's a similar feeling I get when I flip past MANswers on Spike TV. I watched most of an episode once. It's like Mythbusters, only with all the smart, interesting, original, and funny bits taken out.

I got remarkably little done today. Sitting around and watching OpenOffice download doesn't count for much.

I was planning on doing up a quick and dirty design for business... excuse me, calling cards, but I figured I might as well wait until I look into setting up a consultancy.

Wonkette Editors Are Shameless and Lazy. But We Knew That

I guess I'm the last person to notice, but there's a been high correlation lately between the blog picks that show up in DC Blogs Noted and Wonkette's Metro Section.

In fact, they've been just about identical. (Ah, but pity the poor souls who are featured on DC Blogs, but don't make the Wonk-cut. I just made that up. I'm so clever.)

I'd first noticed this on the 15th -- Wonkette and DC Blogs are just a few tabs apart in my Local folder, and 4 of the 5 featured blogs were the same. I had a moment of deja vu before I figured it out.

On the off chance that it was some sort of baroque, creditless content swapping deal, I'd asked the DC Blogs folks about this -- Pat wrote back that they'd noticed Wonkette was using the same picks, but that they didn't care and that it just drove more eyeballs to the featured blogs. Win-win-win.

It's pretty obvious that Wonkette and others watch the live feed (which is what it's there for), but cribbing from the editorially-chosen selections of DC Blogs Noted, without giving credit, is a cheeseball move.

I know I shouldn't look gift pageviews in the mouth (DC Blogs listed my 9/11 Raisin Bran entry, which was then mentioned in Wonkette, tripling my usual pageviews and validating my heretofore worthless existence), but I hate to see Pat and the rest of the DC Blogs crew not get the credit they deserve for the work that they've done.

Of course, I would hate it more if the Wonkette folks bagged the live feed and picks out of spite.

So, I'll just take my Junior G-Man badge:

Vincent Hanna says: "Well, I am over-fuckin'-whelmed. What do you want for that, a Junior G-Man badge?"

Tags: wonkette, attribution, heat, junior g-man badge

Dumbness Comes in Threes

Here are three bits of current dumbness:

1. I went to a milblog conference last week. I wrote about it in my work blog. I referred to one of the panelists, Sean Dustman of Doc in the Box, as Sean Preston (the Britney-Spawn) not once, but four times (1 full name reference, 3 last name references).

At least I was consistent.

2. Thanks to Sprint, my still-new cell phone, the superslim Samsung 610 does not let you play mp3s as ringtones (the better to force you to pay for downloads). However, someone on the SprintUsers Web forum found a way to do use MP3s as ringtones, simply by renaming the MP3 file with the .3g2 extension, and playing it as a video ringtone.

However, when I tried it, and during my testing, I found that it worked, but played at an unusably low volume. (So, useless as a ringtone.)

It was only by accident that I discovered that the speaker volume is automatically lowered when the phone is open. It's plenty loud when the phone is open closed.

So, now I've got the 24 CTU ringtone, with the option to use the "Ho! Ho! Ho!" bits of the Sugarhill Gang's Apache or the yodel-y bit of Baltimora's Tarzan Boy (thanks to free audio editing program Audacity)

3. I was looking at some clips from a blog entry about the best long takes in film -- it includes the hospital shootout of John Woo's Hong Kong gangster shoot-em-up flick Hard Boiled, which I own on VHS -- it took me a few minutes to realize that the video clip was from the French-dubbed version.

(With the widespread use of CGI, it's hard to keep a clean list of the best long takes and tracking shots -- there is room for debate, once you start digitally assembling bits of film to look like continuous takes. It's kind of like cheating.)

Tags: hard boiled, long takes, milblogs, ringtones, samsung m610

Go See Children of Men

Saturday was unseasonably warm, so I took the opportunity to do something I haven't done for a long while.

I went to a movie.

Yes, I took advantage of the rare January shorts and t-shirts weather by sitting inside a climate-controlled multiplex to see 'Children of Men.'

It was worth it. You should go see it. It was intense.

There are plenty of reviews out there, so I won't give away any of the details.

Technically speaking, there are a couple of ridiculously long uninterrupted tracking shots, including a spectacularly complicated 8-minute battle scene towards the end. (I didn't realize how long it was until reading about it afterwards.)

It's also one of those movies that gives movie theaters a reason to continue existing, at least if you don't have a surround sound setup at home.

Anyway, like I said, it's intense, especially the extended urban combat scene that ends in the apartment building. And the thing that halts it (briefly) is even more intense. I teared up.

It's definitely going on the DVD-to-get list, which is pretty ridiculous, considering my existing backlog of unwatched movies (which I just added to today, getting 5 more: The Matador, Brick, Inside Man, United 93, and Land of the Dead.)

Yes, not only am I procrastinating when it comes to dealing with my life by buying movies, I'm procrastinating in my procrastination by not watching the movies that I buy.

Tags: children of men, unwatched movies